Today I chose to turn right.
Photo by Thomas Despeyroux on Unsplash
For the past three years I have been exploring the greenway behind my townhome — slowly branching out further and further to discover a kid’s park, volleyball courts, a large field, side trails, many bridges, and most recently (before today) some breathtaking homes.
A few months ago my family was visiting. Early one morning, my stepdad shared with me from a map that the greenway also led to a lake, but by a trail I hadn’t taken before. Instead of turning left off my neighborhood’s private trail, the lake was some direction and some distance to the right. For many reasons during his stay, we weren’t able to take the walk, but the elusive lake still lingered in my mind. For whatever reason, though, instead of exploring new territory, I have continued to turn left.
Today I start my run as I typically would imagining I will continue upon my familiar path — maybe revisiting the homes I recently found. The ever-present question of the lake still nagging a bit of my side brain. When I arrive at the the end of our private trail, my feet continue through the fork leading me right without a single pause. I’m briefly shocked. I think to myself, “I guess today is the day! I doubt I’ll find it though. I’ll just go a little ways to see what I see.”
I come to an intersection with the highway and remember Jeff (my stepdad) pointing that out on the map. Only, I see no greenway access on the other side. I get discouraged and start to turn back to try again another day. As I turn around, I glimpse an overpass where a different part of the trail continues under the highway. “Okay! I’ll just go through there and see how far I get. I probably still won’t find it though.”
I press through the cold, doubt, and the onsetting night. I run for quite a bit longer passing many people, pets, scooters, and runners along the way. Then, I see some reflections through the trees. EVEN STILL, my brain tells me, “eh. it’s probably just a puddle. You’ve definitely not found the lake. Remember, you’re bad at navigating.”
I take a short, muddy side trail to see if I can get a better look, no luck. I get back on the main trail just a bit longer and see a boardwalk. “I did find it!”
😀👏👏
The trees open up and a velvet pink sky mirrored in silk water fill my view. I stop on the boardwalk and breathe it in.
How long have I been avoiding this? Why have I been so convinced this way held nothing for me. Why did I doubt myself at every turn?
I notice a solitary heron in the water. I’ve never seen a bird so still. Just sitting, waiting. Taking in life! At peace and full of contentment as we all rustle by above. Here today, somewhere else tomorrow. Alone, or not alone. Finding lakes, or not finding lakes.
My brain rustles a little. I’ve been avoiding this peace for so long and it is right out my back door.
Instead of letting life happen, instead of sitting still, what else am I avoiding? What else is just out my back door and to the right?
It’s funny how some of the most impactful things in our lives are the ones we continually. subconsciously. avoid. every. day.
